Feeling it! The PMDD. Unfortunately a couple hours after I told the husband it was ok to stay out until after bedtime.
The kids are driving me nuts. I'm tired but jacked up. Cold, nauseous, and anxious. My eyes hurt. My voice is strained.
I went on Prozac last May or June but did the two weeks on two weeks off for a couple months. I talked about how that was ineffective in this post. So I got way flippant with it.
Until December.
Knowing that the holidays and winter are typically tougher around Christmas, when I called in the boys asthma medication I refilled my script (that doesn't seem relatable in any way!). I decided I would start taking one a day but on my PMDD days take two. Seemed legit, especially for the amount of pills they gave me.
I went back in to fill the boys asthma meds the next month and tried to refill mine. The pharma gal said, "Um, we can't refill it yet, you got three months worth on this date (about 6 weeks prior)". I almost s'ed my p's. I felt like a total junky. I asked her what I was supposed to do because I was taking them daily and was out. She said to talk to the doc.
I sent an email to my doctor explaining what I did. She said she would change the prescription so it would be one a day. I started taking them one a day.
It didn't do shit. Well, I guess it kind of took the edge off...but maybe not. It's hard to tell the severity of rage especially when you are looking backwards. But if I were to compare my physical and emotional state now knowing that what I'm experiencing is PMDD I would say it's identical to what I've felt in the past, pre-diagnosis.
Even if it did take the edge off it is way not worth the side effects of frequent peeing, muscle spasms, tiredness, and being on a daily controlled substance.
In February or March I decided I would go off of the Prozac. On my own. I've had plenty of experience going off stuffs and assumed this would be the same. I attempted weaning and realized about 6 or 8 days in that I would need medical help.
I wasn't suicidal but my thoughts were *very* dark. Out of the norm dark. And way more frequent.
Since my attempt to go off on my own I've taken one a day.
I went into the doctor a few weeks ago to get something I noticed on my boob in January checked out (it's fine). I told her I wanted to see someone about getting off the Prozac.
She had me talk to her nurse about setting up a psych appointment. This nurse was the bomb dot com. You all know I love me some nurses!
She was great. She asked about birth control. I told her I was on it for about 6 months when Ryan and I first started dating (well maybe not first....skank!) and that it messed me up. How I'm vegetarian and most likely already have a vitamin B deficiency so adding the pill (which depletes your vitamin B...they really should make that more known) messed me up even more.
We talked about my break from booze. She said that sometimes Prozac is less effective for alcoholics.
She asked if I had post partum depression and I said oddly enough no, although I was totes prepared for it. I did tell her I was super hormonal during pregnancy and when I quit nursing both boys.
She then asked why I wanted to go off the Prozac and I told her about trying myself and the dark thoughts.
She asked if I wanted to see a therapist or psychiatrist. I asked the difference. She said one could write scripts and the other couldn't. I said therapist was fine since I was going off, not on.
I asked if it was covered by my insurance. She said 3 consultations. Say what?! I'm not even sure what that means because I haven't scheduled the appointment yet (waiting for school to start). Hopefully it means the first 3 are free and then I pay like a $10 copay. I can handle that. If not, be prepared to get a motha bleeping earful.
We then agreed seeing a script writing doc would be best because if the therapist thought it best I go on something to get off the Prozac (yippeeee!) then they would have to refer me to the psych and that would be a wasted one of my three appointments.
I know that it's all related. How I eat, my activity level, our finances, the business, the marriage and the kids.
We've drastically improved our finances, the business has leveled out now that I've found the most effective way to create the product and the rest is working practiced systems (ready for some growth!), our marriage is good, and the boys are at such an easy stage being able to get themselves ready/help around the house/communicate what they need.
I'm back on Kathy Freston's cleanse but only on day 7 and went to the gym last week twice. I feel like I can fight this crap the natural way. With some help from a medical professional.
Wish me luck party peeps. I'm sick of feeling this. However I am *extremely* grateful I now know what it is! Time to let these children run around outside and hopefully exert some of my negative energy through osmosis (I don't think that's the right word but you get what I'm saying).
Love,
Marcian
