Monday, February 10, 2014


I am not a democrat.
I am not a republican.
I am not a wife.
I am not a mother.
I am not a vegetarian.
I am not an alcoholic.
I am not a catholic.
I am not a sister.
I am not a friend.
I am not a woman.
I am not a writer.
I am not an entrepreneur.
I am me. 

Be careful when you allow titles to take over your identity.  Laziness can prevail.  The mob mentality can take over.  Ego can become entwined.  Individuality can be lost. 

Think for yourself, don't let others determine your thoughts.

Allow yourself to be drawn to ideas, beliefs, communities, etc. but don't lose "you" in the process.

Labeling ourselves with titles can be a cop out and will prevent growth and new experiences.   

Tuesday, February 4, 2014


S just got real.  I had to walk away.  Sometimes we have to walk away. 

When I was doing the dishes I realized this is when I need to be writing.  When it's raw.  When it's at my fingertips.  When it's flowing. 

When the government shut down recently programs like WIC were canceled.  All my sister and I could talk about were the families who could not feed their families.  Her and I could literally feel the sadness from the mothers miles away from us who couldn't feed their babies because their aid was gone. 

My sister made a very poignant point.  Government officials don't get it.  They've never been that poor.  They don't believe it is real.  Unless you have ever looked into your hungry child's eyes and felt completely helpless, you don't understand. 

It's the same with addiction.  No one wants to talk about it but it needs to be talked about.  People who don't get it, wont get it.  Unless you've felt addiction, or seen it happen to a family member, you can't understand it.  Shit...even the addicted and family members don't understand it.  But families of those afflicted know it's real. 

Thank you to my friend who shared something in hopes of helping addicts or loved ones of addicts get some clarity.  She provided something to have people relate, connect, and know they aren't alone.  Thank you also for knowing that when people who don't understand addiction and have never faced it in their family, make disparaging comments it can result in the people who need help to turn and hide. 

This doesn't need to be a battle.  Whether or not addiction is real and whose fault it is. 

The question:  How could someone "allow" themselves to get addicted? 

Because of my sons asthma, after he has a severe attack and we are released from the hospital we have to give him a lot of medicine.  Including a steroid.  My grandmother in law has been on the same medication and describes the feeling as wanting to run off the roof. 

This is a drug that I give my son to keep him alive.  He ASKS for his medicine now.

He says it makes him feel "fuzzy" while he laughs. 

I am knowingly giving my son something that makes him high because there is no alternative.
This is heartbreaking to me.  I'm crying as I tell you this.  I was never addicted to whatever it was I took, I was addicted to the feeling it gave me. 

The same feeling I am knowingly giving my son. 

So the next time someone says "Just avoid the things that could make you high" realize that it may be a life saving drug that a recovering alcoholic is giving her 3 year old child.  Or it may be a drug prescribed to someone after surgery. 

Who knows what it is that gets addicts high the first time...does it matter?  If they get high and then become addicted to that feeling, they need help. 

Help does not come in the form of not understanding and making ignorant comments.  Help comes in the form of listening.  Sharing.  Offering a hand.  Driving someone to a meeting.  Putting someone in touch with someone who is recovering.  Chocolate.  Making healthy meals.  Going on a cleanse with the person.  Bringing them green juice. 

Help is also keeping your mouth shut if you don't have anything helpful to say. 
A mother who is praying that when her son experiences alcohol for the first time he doesn't love the fuzzy feeling as much as she did and chase it for decades. 

"Compassion shouldn't be conditional" I <3 you Janie!