Block

I've been blocked when it has come to writing.  Since September. 

You may have thought it was because of the new business.  That has part to do with the busyness but the real reason I haven't been writing is because the 3 yo was diagnosed with asthma. 

I've started to tell you a few times.  The posts will come out of order but I need to get it out there now because I can't write until it is. 

We've been to urgent care 3 times and twice by ambulance since September. 

I'm sad.

I'm pissed.

I'm tired.

And somewhat defeated. 

The boy is on Budesonide (steroid) in the morning and evenings now for the duration of the winter and will most likely be every winter now.  Treatments to help him breathe.  Twice daily. 

God only knows what the long term side effects will be from this.

Everyone agrees that the alternative of having our child not breathe is a worse situation than medications all the time. 

I joked with Ryan last night about moving to California and he asked if I was serious.  Maybe. 

We took him to an allergist and he tested positive for dust mites and mold. 

Since the allergy reports we've had the house tested for mold (came back clear), I've taken up vacuuming as a new obsession (but only when I can get the boy out of the house for at least half an hour), we threw out his old mattress and have him on a new one, we had the vents cleaned with a micro-something, we got an air purifier, I've dusted everything to the max. 

We are hoping these changes will help but what his doctor said in September seems to ring true.  If he gets a cold, it will progress into a full blown asthma attack.  Cool...kids never catch colds.

It sucks bad but it could be way worse.   Every time we use our insurance for an attack or "borrow" money from my in-laws to help with all the added expenses I can't help but feel for the people I read about in a Washington Post article.  Shortly after the first hospital trip my sis sent an article and it was heartbreaking.  Back then I was in denial and thought his diagnosed asthma was premature and that it was a fluke.  I've started a couple posts on the article and will give my thoughts but that's for later.

It can't all suck at once right?  For those of you that don't follow the business sites, we were on the news!  Told you I was too legit to quit!  You can check out the segment by clicking on the link.   

DC News FOX 5 DC WTTG

The news of the news segment happened the same day (Jan 14) that the boy had his most recent attack.  That was our first without an ambulance ride but did result in our first overnight urgent care visit.  Since it was our third attack, I was totes prepared with the Kindle, cell chargers, change of clothes, diapers, lamby, snacks, soda, blankets.  The nurse gave me 3 pillows too (yesss!). 

This is all I got for now. 

Ups and downs and all arounds!  You know how we like to do...keep it interesting. 

Hope to write again soon!

Love,
Marcian

Uncertainties

My bmf (best male friend), his wife and their sons came over today. 

As he walked into the kitchen to grab some water from the fridge he asked "how's business going?" 

In normal Marcian rapid fire response form I blurt out, "I think this is the calm before the storm? ...  but it might not be ... what if there is no storm? ...  what if nothing happens?!

I stop once I hear him start to laugh. 

I say, "Don't laugh!  I'm being serious!" 

He pokes his head out of the kitchen to see if I was serious then disappeared back into the kitchen to close the fridge door. 

Although I was being a tad overdramatic I was also being serious.  This is a huge month, definitely the biggest month of my newly found entrepreneurial life.  Or will it be? 

I haven't heard back from Fox5 since early December when I sent the product to the anchor.  I have no clue if the segment is still set to air or when or how long it will be or what it will be about other than the company.  I'm sure it's all good, right?  I do plan to send an email this week to check in and fish for information but is that pestering the anchor?  I don't think so...

I also have to do a warm call this week.  It's not really a warm call though.  I went to the Finding Felicity Facebook page and reread what I updated you alls with last August and it's an actual deal. 

But is this a guaranteed deal?  Will he remember me from August?  I sent him a new years card last week as a gentle reminder of the product.  I'm so nervous about the phone call! 

 

The third potential hugeness is that when my parents visited at the end of December I got an email from a reporter from Woman's World.  She and I emailed back and forth that evening and had a 46 minute long convo the next morning.  It was a screening call for a series on "Real Women Entrepreneurs".  She told me at the very beginning of the conversation that she compiles the info but her editor has the final say if there will be a formal interview.  She said on December 30 that she should know in 3 weeks.   

So is this going to be the biggest month ever? 

Is all this doubt I'm feeling my inner critic?  My self saboteur? 

Am I allowing myself to feel disappointed and anxious now so that if everything falls through then the disappointment wont be as strong because I've been feeling it for so long already? 

It's not just the fear of everything falling through the cracks though.  What if it all goes as planned but the media and getting into a store doesn't result in sales?  Or worse, what if it results in tons of orders that I can't fill? 

How do I prepare?  And prepare for what? 
Unknowns.  Hate em.  Cant stand em. 

TED

I miss you bloggie.  I miss writing and putting stuff out there and feeling like I am reaching people and helping. 

The transitions that have happened in my life since starting this blog and beginning the Playing Big program have been absolutely tremendous.  I truly believe that I have found my calling in life and that this is the best life has ever been and may ever be.

One of the tools that I want to share with you that I know has greatly assisted, if not made totally possible, removing my once debilitating shyness/crowd fear is in a TED talk: 




In this talk Amy Cuddy shares a very simple exercise that I've been doing since May, right before the first ever blogger event I went to that I was terrified to attend. 

Since May, and since doing the exercise, I've been to multiple meetups, conferences, meetings, parties, etc and haven't experienced my past anxiety. 

This exercise is simply raising your arms in a V with your head tilted upward for two minutes.  Simple right?  I do it every time I shower.  I can instantly feel the difference in my body and mind.  On days where I don't shower (ewww girl, you so stinky) around 3 pm I feel completely flighty, lightheaded, and foggy.  Proof that the exercise works. 

Have been wanting to share this for a while.  Excuse my tardiness.  Miss you guys! 

Love,
Marcian