Thursday, October 31, 2013


I found her!  The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with! 

I knew from our first date that her and I were a match made in heaven.  I knew because she is basically my husband, but in a prettier package. 

She says to me the things that Ryan says to me but with her there is no true love so I can detach the emotion and actually listen to what she has to say. 

She is objective. 

She is brilliant. 

She is Sonja, my business mentor. 

I met Sonja on July 10, the day before I launched MagnifiCuffs.  We met at a class that Rebecca Geller, of The Geller Law Group, taught called "The Nuts and Bolts of Starting a Small Business".  The class was held at Sonja's office where she provides mentoring services for women owned businesses (she did tell me today she mentos some men too but the main focus is women). 

Sonja gave Rebecca's intro and in that intro she mentioned a bit about what her college funded organization provides to businesses.  She also gave the classroom of wide eyed hopefuls the stat that 93% of women owned businesses fail.  Ugh.  Does that make you sick?  Me too.

About a week after the class I had a free phone consult with Rebecca.  During our convo Rebecca gave me the nudge to meet with Sonja.  At that point the company had been launched for about a week and the response I received from friends, fam, and interwebs stats was encouraging and everything felt right. 

So I sent Sonja an email.  She responded.  I responded.  We met.  We met again.  And again.. and again... you get it right? 

The first meeting Sonja led.  She recommended books to read and a show to watch (The it!  It's like Shark Tank, Kitchen Nightmares, and Secret Millionaire all got together and had a baby).  She gave me homework. 

The second meeting she told me that owning a business is a lot like managing a household.  She said it to encourage me because she knows I am responsible for the household.  She's nodding her head up and down and comparing the household budget to a biz budget, inventory to groceries, employees to kids, etc.  She's saying this stuff and all I'm thinking about is running to the bathroom to grab a towel.  Then I realize I'm in an office building and the towels are paper and it might float when I throw it and she totally wouldn't get that I was doing the proverbial "throw in the towel". 

Running a household is something I still don't know how to do.  Damn right?  I'm bad at planning.  Shopping.  Preparing.  Scheduling.  Bill paying.  Cleaning.  You name it*, I fail at it.  Regularly.  *Disclaimer, I am really good at being a mom and's the other stuff that doesn't come so easy.

Since the launch I have done an amazing job of running my business.  And I mean kick ass.  Until the past week.  Things got unintentionally dropped because of my personal life.  I didn't know how to prioritize.  Actually, I did prioritize correctly, I just made some definitive deadlines that I couldn't meet. 

Prior to that work snafu a lot of aspects in my personal life went down the drain. Finances, health of the boys, my face health (corneal abrasion and cracked tooth), and I can't even remember the rest.  It was just a crazy bad 6 or 8 weeks. 

But the business was shiny and perfect!  And once that business ball dropped, everything dropped.  I became paralyzed.  Up until this morning the self loathing was absolutely disturbing.  My inner teenage self was totes channeled.

Through Sonja's guidance I have learned from the mistake and now how to better handle it next time but the whole situation has really opened my eyes to my overall dysfunction. 

The past few business months have been a blur.  One foot in front of the other, just like my life.  Fly by the seat of my pants.  Have no set systems in place.  Well, it's got to stop.  Had I put systems into place in the household, there would have been way less stress, anxiety, and wasted money.

Since building a business from scratch has so many different elements I believe not having set systems in place was beneficial.  Depending on which side of the brain was feeling dominant, there was always something to be done.  Now that I'm past the blueprint phase, it's time to make sure I can lay down some sturdy foundation. 

I'm going to start with my personal life and household while totes confident it will significantly help with the business. 

Instead of turning a blind eye to obligations and responsibilities, I'm going to prepare for them.  I told Sonja that I always have the same responses to certain situations.  She said, "Oh yea, how's that working out for you?"  Repeating the cycle has got to stop.  It feels daunting, but it's actually very exciting too!  Cant wait to get my "s" together! 

One of Ryan's favorite sayings is:  Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.  I can dig it.

Future Well Run Household Owner
Future Fortune 500 Company Owner

Tuesday, October 22, 2013


How do we allow our thoughts to go to those places

Those deep, dark, and twisted spaces

Fear of the unknown 
Turned to mind enemies sewn

We carefully stitch each thought together 

To create a gruesome cloak of bleeding leather

Struggling in the night
Grasping for the light

We hope that our mind enemies are for a reason
Preparation for the changing season

If we can only envision the worst
When it happens, it wont be the first

There will be familiarity 
We will have clarity

Sunday, October 13, 2013


During my defense agency stint, when I was a Stay In School employee and required to take college classes, I took English 101 at the community college.  

In the entrance exam I scored so low that the teacher recommended I take ESL classes.  No crap.  ESL = English as a second language.  

I used to think that I was retarded.  Like, literally.  

As I told you in the About me section I got my first D in the 3rd grade.  There were many D's to follow. 

I had at least 3 teachers (I only blatantly knew 3, but am certain there were many more) give me passing grades so that I could go on to the next grade and even graduate high school.  

The crazy thing was the stuff I could retain and comprehend.  

I would fail a biology test, but get all the extra credit answers right.  

I would get points taken off for not showing how I calculated the answer, but ultimately got the answer correct. 

It wasnt until after I had kids when my brain (and freakin hormones) rewired, that I realized Im not an idiot and those above incidences werent flukes.  

I dont totes attribute my newfound recognized genius to having kids, there were many factors including bright puzzles that speak (I now know where each state is located!) and simplified childrens books (clouds are water particles!).  

Over the past few years, after having the kids and "leaving" the workforce, I have come to a few conclusions.  I can learn, it just has to be presented in a specific way.  Also, it is way easier for me to learn and retain something that I have an interest in.  

I also recognized that the anxiety of underperforming is what made me do so horrible in school.  I was unable to grasp basic information because of the physical and emotional responses that were happening inside of me.  The elevated stress hormones, adrenaline, inner critic, etc.  

Now that Im not required to learn, I dont experience that stress anymore and can actually learn!