For all of the endless chatter, articles, blogs, books, etc. about how hard parenting is, I have one response. Suck it up.
Staying at home with kids is difficult. Working and then coming home to kids is difficult. Being at war with kids is difficult. Being physically or mentally ill with kids is difficult.
No matter how you stack the deck, parenting is a supremely difficult task. Day in and day out.
Since it's so hard either way, why not do it "right"?
Understand the magnitude of being a parent. Fully grasp it.
I'll give you a moment.
Once you commit to being a parent, it is up to you to protect that child and keep their best interest in mind.
By planning, chance or circumstance, this little human was presented to you. If you chose to be his/her parent, you must become fully responsible for this child's well being.
Not your spouse, not God, not the "village". You.
As an adult, do you recognize any disfunctions you have because of early childhood? Can you recognize aspects of your adult relationships that are negatively impacted by the way you were treated as a child?
When the world seems too hard to handle, what do you do to relieve stress?
Confide in a loved one? Listen or play music? Meditate? Exercise? Spiritual readings? Eat a clean healthy meal?
Or do you have an arsenal of numbing agents? Alcohol, drugs, unhealthy food, shopping, unintimate sex, tv/video games, social networking, violence against others, masochistic acts, etc.
Right now think of your child as an adult and honestly ask yourself if the way you are raising them is preparing them to be a well rounded person. Or, are you helping to create a person that may attempt to "heal" themselves with numbing agents?
Wouldn't it be better to face your fears or inabilities now then look into your child's adult face and recognize you didn't do your best, or worse, you failed them and society.
Do for your children as you wish was done for you.
Your child is an opportunity to provide for another being what you wish you were given as a child.
If you were neglected as a child, nurture yours.
If you were verbally abused, whisper kind and loving sentiments.
If you were physically threatened, recognize when your child is becoming a trigger and walk away.
This is not the blame game. We become programmed by our upbringings and formed habits. Until we bring light to the traumas we suffered as children, we may subconsciously do it to our own children.
Every child is different but the basics are the same. They want to be listened to, guided, paid attention to, and protected. They also need discipline and respect. They need to be taught right from wrong.
Please believe that you have the power to prevent what hurt you as a child, from hurting your child.
Take inventory of any cycles you may unknowingly be passing down.
End the cycle.
If you don't, you will see your children have children of their own and repeat the cycle that happened to you that you passed to them. Realize it now. Recognize it.
Embrace how important your role as parent is and do it to the best of your abilities. Don't attempt to be perfect. Spend time with your children. Listen to them. Hug them. Tell them stories and ask them to tell you theirs. Let them trust you. Let them see you trust them and yourself.
These children start out unharmed. When they enter this world, they are a clean slate. There is no right way to raise a child but there is a way to do your best to provide what is necessary to help create conscience, powerful, and compassionate people.
This isnt a call to be a perfect parent or person. It's a request to look at your past, recognize your present parenting and envision your child's future. Then act accordingly.
