Meals

For me, repetition worked best for meals while on the cleanse.  I switched it up a bit after day 10 because of all the extra energy.

Below is what I ate most days:

9:00

Sliced banana and apple sprinkled with shaved almonds and raisins

Black coffee

Water

10:30

Orange, Peanuts, Water

12:00

Carrots, Cashews, Water 

2:00

Slice of brown rice bread toasted with hummus, cucumbers and black olives, water

3:00

Green tea

6:00

Spinach leaves with cucumber, avocado, and black olives with balsamic and olive oil homemade dressing and miso soup

Other suggestions:

Boiled cubed redskin potatoes, edamame beans and pine nuts with olive oil, Franks hot sauce, garlic and sesame seed homemade dressing

Add diced raw potatoes, corn, carrots, celery in a crockpot with 6 cups of water and 2  cubes of Rapunzel Vegan Vegetable Bouillon with Sea Salt (recipe calls for 2 cups per cube but thats too salty. The non sea salt bouillon is too bland). Good cold or warm.

Steamed broccoli and chick peas with olive oil and lemon pepper 

Strawberry, blueberry, mango & coconut milk smoothies. Just plop 1/3 cup of each frozen fruit and coconut milk into the blender.  My boys absolutely love these!

Baked sweet potato (recipe courtesy of my beastie, thanks!): http://halfhippiemama.blogspot./2012/10/cinnamon-baked-sweet-potato.html?m=0

Some book recommendations from a cleanser (thanks, Mike!):  Well Fed (good whole food recipes) and Practical Paleo (cookbook that also explains foods to eat for specific ailments).

Good luck everyone!  If you have anything to add,  please do so in the comments.  As always, reach out if I can assist in any way.

Cleanse

Dear Cleansie McCleansers,

I am beyond excited you have shown an interest in participating in the cleanse with me starting Friday, February 1.  During my first cleanse last year, the amount that I learned of what food does to my system was unbelievable.  It's a great system reboot, you will lose some weight and learn to not eat emotionally (found out that comes back though!).  I can't wait for you to feel and/or learn what I did!  

Some disclaimers first:  I didn't follow all the rules in Kathy Freston's Quantum Wellness cleanse.  If you want to go by the book then you should buy the book, or ebook.  Please purchase it from here because all affiliate cash will go to people who want it but can't afford it.  Thanks to the peeps who have already purchased 3 through the site!!!  

If you have any medical conditions, ie low blood sugar, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, etc. consult your physician.  If you start this cleanse and feel like something isn't right you may want to stop.  The amount of things you will learn about your system is amazing but everyone is different so trust your instincts.  It should be more of a mental challenge than physical, as long as you are eating as often as you should.  When I began this I was vegetarian and stopped eating dairy and eggs (3 days into it).  Since you are most likely going from meat eater, you may have different physical responses.  Just try to eat your proteins!

The cleanse is NO:  caffeine (I did NOT comply to this, I would drink a black coffee in the am and green tea around 3 pm), gluten (wheat, barley, rye and malt), or any animal products (meat, dairy, eggs).  Pages 81-88 of Quantum Wellness explains what you are removing from your diet and why.  Gluten's effect on the system was the biggest surprise for me.

Here's a shopping list to get you started, modify to your palate preference:
Produce:
Spinach
Baby carrots
Celery
Avocado
Cucumber
Potatoes
Apples *The pectin (? spelling) and fiber fills you up so this is a good food to carry with you, or have during breakfast
Oranges
Bananas

Shelf:
Pineapple
Green beans
Black olives
Rice or coconut milk (coconut milk has great fat and I recently read it can increase the libido ... rawwwwr)
Beans (Great filler upper and many health benefits.  Crock pot with potatoes, carrots and vegan stock is awesome sauce)
Nuts *this will break the bank but it is really good to have a variety stockpile on hand.  I had peanuts, cashews, almonds, and walnuts.  The protein will fill you up and give you some mind clarity.  You can carry a ziploc bag in your purse but just make sure to have water too.  

Frozen:
Shelled edamame (bring water to a boil and throw in for 4 minutes.  Great source of protein and enjoyable to eat. Sprinkle some salt on it.)
Broccoli
Mango
Strawberries
Blueberries

The non whole items I used (I will include pictures in tomorrow's post)
Hummus (or chick peas to make your own)
Miso Soup
Frozen brown rice bread (not good but tolerable when toasted and with hummus...in case you are a carb/bread addict like me)
Lara Bars (these are fruit and nut with no grain, a suggestion from my Beastie whose husband does challenges often)
Natural almond butter (personally I don't like but another one suggested by my Beastie and in Kathy Freston's book)

The first 3 to 5 days will be the hardest because this is when your tummy will be adjusting to new types of fullness, you will recognize the emotional eating, and will have the withdrawal symptoms from removing dairy and sugar.  Make sure to have fruit or raisins to help with the sugar rage.  

Water will be your best friend.  And baby carrots and peanuts.  This time those three will be my best friends and I am adding raisins to the mix.  The sugar will be good in case I get faint which happened a couple times before in the beginning because of low blood sugar and not paying attention.  

Temptation to cheat is in the beginning when you arent feeling and seeing the benefits.  If you cheat, don't beat yourself up but keep in mind that abstaining is a way to reboot the system. You can take it as a cheat, or just finish.  As Kathy Freston says, there are health benefits for doing it a day, or the full 21 days.  

The success of this is contingent on you hoarding food and staying hydrated.  The 7 P's the husband says often, "Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance".  Before leaving your home make sure you have water and nuts, or whatever else is easy to carry that you know will hold you over.  If you work outside of the home, bring your lunch!!  Ordering out on this diet is not fun, or for the hungry.  

I love you all and wont love you less for not doing it, not finishing, or cheating.  Remember, you are doing this for you so take it as serious as you need or want to.  On that note, if you want or need support, you know I'm here for you!  

This is a *temporary* (repeat this over and over in the beginning!) diet change that will provide you with many (almost immediate) benefits.  

I will providing meal ideas tomorrow and will post pictures of the products I use here or on Facebook.

Please join us or add any suggestions in the comments!  Looking forward to Friday!

Ignorance

I've spent the entirety of my life with the motto 'ignorance is bliss'.

The news is never on in my house.  I avoid reading the headlines on my kindle for trending stories (I don't know how to block it).  I don't follow any news sources on my Twitter.

When friends start a story with, "I heard the worst thing", I shut them up with, "Please don't finish this.  I don't want to know."  Once something is heard, it cant be unheard.

Personally it was obvious from a very early age that I was extremely sensitive, impressionable, and prone to depression.  I would hear something devastating, absorb it fully, and let it's weight suffocate my insides.  Hearing of atrocities would make it difficult for me to breathe and the thoughts swarming in my mind would send adrenaline to my system which would cause restlessness, upset stomach and headaches.  Avoidance seemed like the best course of action to protect my frail mind.

We can only avoid so much, though.  No matter how hard I tried, sad stories would seep in somehow.

I think maybe hearing bad things had such a negative impact because I actively avoided reality.

Pre sobriety I could temporarily quiet the thoughts with substances that would distract my mind.  Not knowing then that the lows after substancing greatly increased my inability to cope causing the downward fall to spiral out of control.

Much to my surprise, the universe has decided to lift the wool.

On Friday I started reading Ashley Judd's memoir, All That Is Bitter & Sweet, about her being a global ambassador for Populations Services International.  Initially I was tempted not to read it because the prologue was terrifying enough to cause a stream of tears that soaked my shirt.  I put the book down and then rallied for myself.  If there is anything I've learned over the past year, it's to believe that each moment is for a reason.  I'm where I'm supposed to be and doing what needs to be done.

Ashley Judd is doing amazing things and putting herself in harm's way (physical and emotional) to tell tragic stories so others can gain awareness and help.  Her writing is beautiful, horrifying and honest.

A father figure told me that when he was younger he would avoid the news, too.  He said the older we get the more desensitized we get and the news doesn't crush our spirits as much.  Instead of not having my spirits crushed, I'm hoping that becoming aware of global issues will encourage growth and action.

I'm excited to see how this will unfold!

Identity

"Know your role" is one of my favorite things to say to my husband when he attempts a witty joke that falls flat.  I follow that sweet sentiment with reminding him that I'm the good looking and funny one and he is the smart and lucky one (because of his spouse).

My overly tolerant husband came home from work Tuesday night and said that one of his clients is starting a blog and wants to take me to lunch.  Talk about the dumb leading the blind.  Please don't fear for her safety, I will explain in grave detail my beginner's knowledge level.

After my initial excitement and self doubt, I rapid fired a bunch of questions at him.  One of which was, "What kind of blog did you tell her I had?"  My unsuspecting husband didn't know it was a trick question.  He said, "I told her you were a Mommy Blogger."  I respond, "I'm not a mom blogger!  I barely talk about our kids!".  Then he asked, "What should I have told her?"

D'oh!  Busted.

In all seriousness, not knowing bloggy's official genre has concerned me for a while.

I get the importance of branding but am unsure I fit into a specific genre.  Or that I even want to.  Some entries I think are inspiring, some are downers, some are journal entries, some are forgettable.  It seems like a lot of responsibility to have readers that are drawn to me because I'm listed as a "mid 30's recovering alcoholic veg wife with scoliosis, bad circulation, 2 boys, 1 dog, etc" when there are many posts in a row where none of those aspects of my life are mentioned.

Like my real life tribe, I want my online tribe to be a melting pot of personalities, religions, ages, and races.  I like the idea of having male readers.  I don't think I'm only for the femmes, or moms, or the mom femmes.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.  But, the majority of my closest friends are/have been guys and I like that.  I learn a lot from my guy friends.  I learn a lot from everyone.  I want everyone to learn from me.  Not just people that can "relate" to my key words.

So, identity crisis.  

I don't want a label, but I need a label.  Right?  Who has one for me?  I'll give you a dollar if it's chosen.

Sperk*

Sperk* has a weekly feature called Wednesday's Woman, for which I am this week's guest writer!  10 months ago my light was lit by the woman I chose to write about and here's hoping this entry can inspire someone else.  I credit this woman for encouraging me to embrace sobriety, begin this blog, and treat myself with the love and respect that I deserve, which has positively impacted every aspect of my life.

Thank you so much to Kimberly at Sperk* for extending the virtual olive branch and providing this experience for me.  I always remember and think fondly of the people that had faith in me and made me feel extraordinary.  Trust that I will pay it forward.

After you have read my piece, please check out some of Kimberly's other posts.  She has 2 adolescent girls which is why she began highlighting role models in Wednesday's Woman.  Isn't that so beautiful!?  Please leave her some encouragement to keep being such a positive influence to all of her readers.

I am extremely honored and humbled to present to you my first ever guest post!  

Meditation

One of my husband's friends went to a meditation meet up a couple weeks ago before we had our Redskins/Seahawks party.  He told me a bit about it and I told him I was totally interested in attending.  We arranged to meet there yesterday morning.

It started with introductions, then we had the 30 minute meditation, and then a brief discussion.

After the meet up was over I spoke with one of the guys who has been with the group for a couple months.  He asked if I would come back.  I told him I already knew before attempting the shut eyes part that I would be back.

This was the first group experience I have ever been in where I didn't get bubble guts about speaking.  My fear of public speaking, no matter the size/casualness/length of speech, has always been crippling.  What are they thinking about what I'm saying?  Are they judging me?  Why are they staring so intently?

So in this group of complete strangers I explained why I was there and then participated in the conversation after about my personal experience.  No rummy in my tummy, no flushed cheeks, no sweating or trembling voice.  Also a first, I was actually able to listen to what everyone else had to say because the fear of speaking wasn't there causing me to only focus on me.  Beauts!

The actual meditation, eyes closed part, lasted 30 minutes.  The instructor had us start by visualizing ourselves sitting in front of us and sending love and kindness to our image.  We focused on sending these messages through him saying about 8 prompts like 'may you find true happiness' and 'may all of your hurts be healed' with long pauses between.  We first visualized ourselves and then moved on to visualizing someone we love, someone neutral (that was you, Anna, did you feel the love?), someone we hate, and then every human being.

In the post meditation discussion one of the attendee's (who has been meditating for decades) asked myself and another first timer girl how we physically felt while meditating.  I explained that my right foot (the one I broke last year) fell asleep a couple times and my back hurt a bit but nothing like I would have imagined for a half hour of sitting.  I also explained that a couple outside thoughts came in and instead of berating myself, I let them go.  From what I've read about meditating it is important to just return to focus if your mind starts to drift.  If you start looking into where the thought came from or feel bad for "thinking" then it will spiral and lead to more outside thoughts.

On the drive home I realized this is what I've been looking for.  During early 20's wasted face religion convo's I would be the one that fought for the importance of attending church.  It wasn't the organized religious teachings I thought were important, it was taking an hour out of each week to sit in silence and think about something other than my life.

The difference between attending Catholic church and this meditation group is the feeling of accomplishing something positive.  Don't get me wrong, now that I can comprehend some of the churches readings I am able to get some meaning out of it.  But with this meditation practice it felt like, instead of being taught a lesson through intimidation, I was being taught a life long skill that can be used to help heal myself, which will assist in loving and being more compassionate to others. 

Cant wait to go back!  If there are any local yokels that want to attend, holler!  I can give more detail (if this wasnt wordy enough) if you have any questions.  

Facebook

When I quit the Facebook in the summer of 2011 it was cold turkey.  It was an addiction.  Not a habit or obsession.  An addiction.

For the first few days after I quit I would automatically reach for my phone to take a peek at the world.  Once it registered I was donezo, I would put the phone down and feel very lonely.  Back then I was a stay at home mom of a barely 1 year old and barely 3 year old and the isolation was too much, even for me.

The loneliness stopped when (probably for the thousandth time) I instinctively reached to check the Facebook and instead called a friend.  I think I will always remember those phone conversations, or at least the girls I had them with, because it made me realize just how important it is to hear another person's voice.  I continued to have real one on one conversations, instead of my filtered friend fix via mass posts.

There were so many reasons I quit, too many to list but here are a few.  I was managing a friends band and would get requests from people I didn't know very well.  I knew there were filters but I would over think who got to see what.  Also, I have always been paranoid so it bothered me posting updates or live pictures of the in laws lake house and our trips to see my parents.  People knowing when we were in and out of town totally wigged me out.  I would randomly see old coworkers and they would ask about my kids they never met.  I'm pretty overprotective about my kid's privacy.  Another reason was the constant need to see what everyone was doing and then judge them for being a show off, bad parent, whiner, attention ho, etc.  My addiction made me a bad person so I had to quit.

The part I missed the most was seeing pictures of my friends kids.  We all started procreating around the same time and the kids are all in such a transformative (that's not showing up as a word, weird) phase.  It stinks to miss the still framed cuteness of them growing.  But then again, when I see these guys in real life they all look like brand new little humans.  It's pretty wild!

During my time offline it was so nice to see friends and have no idea what was going on in their lives.  I think people enjoyed hanging out with me more because they were able to fill me in on everything.

I also missed getting invited to stuff.  It happened a few times.  I would usually get a text the week of to see if I was going and would scramble to make it.  That was just a part of the old saying; out of site, out of mind.  Or, was it because people dont like me?!  See, paranoia...it'll getcha!

Since I went off the Facebook I feel I have been able to recognize when something is becoming an obsession and gently move away from it.  In the past, whenever it came to obsessions or addictions I would quit everything cold turkey.  It was a way to test my will power and give me feelings of strength.  Over the past year I have learned how to notice negative extremes, reflect on why they are happening and resolve to make it better.  I'm starting to realize this is a more effective way to change behaviors.  And less masochistic.  It's unnecessary to make myself feel more pain because of guilt over being in a bad state.

On that note, my unofficial Facebook boycott has been nullified.  I will treat it different this time.  I kind of have to because it is a business account and not a personal account.  Meaning people can like me but I can't like them back.  Sorry!  It's not personal, I swear. 

Moving

Moving from place to place
Year after year
Pack up your suitcase
for someplace nowhere near

 Away from your friends
 the pain never ends

You start a new school
and feel like a fool
No one likes anyone new
There's nothing to do

You make new friends
and the pain actually ends
Just to pack up your suitcase
for someplace nowhere near

2/20/1994

Injury

Daymond John from the Shark Tank said there is a saying that the universe is cruel because she makes you experience the lesson before you can learn from it.  That quote really jumped out at me and stayed with me for the remainder of the day after hearing it yesterday.

Then I got a lesson.

After I told the baby we needed to change his poopy diaper I headed to get a diaper and wipes.  The phone rang.  I picked up the phone, then the diaper and wipes.  I tucked the diaper and wipes under my left arm and cradled the phone between my shoulder and ear and, with my free hand, grabbed my baby's hand.  He had his normal response to getting a poopy diaper changed and pulled away while dropping his legs out from under him.  I pulled at the same time he dropped.  He started to shriek and cry hysterically.  Initially I put my mother in law on hold while I tried to calm him down but realized something was seriously wrong and told her I would call her back.

I called my husband. Voicemail after 5 rings.  I blurted, 'Call me urgently!'.  I hung up and hit talk again. Silence. I hang up and pick up again. Silence again.  That's when I started to cry.  The frustration of the phone not doing it's job.  Connect me to my rock Phone!  I pick up the phone again and hear my husband's 'Hello?'.  I'm crying, the baby is crying and I try to get out 'I think I dislocated his shoulder'.  My normally calm husband screamed 'What?! You did what!?'. I tell him to just get home to help.  I was Freaking (capital F) out.  I scoop the baby up and rock him in my lap. 

We rock and watch Barney until my husband got home.  He assesses the sitch and said they were going to the Emergency Room.  I tell him to let me call Kaiser Permanente and see where to go.  When I broke my foot I called the advice nurses and they sent me to a different ER than Kaiser because the first available appointment was 5 hours later. 

The nurse scheduled an appointment for about an hour after the incident happened.  The doctor looked him over and did some pressure tests then got him xrayed.  Everything turned up clear.  She diagnosed him as having nurse maid arm which commonly happens to 1-4 year olds.  Their arms are shorter than their ligaments so sometimes a pull can happen that moves the ligament into the elbow socket.

My husband and I were certain from the baby's behavior this morning that he was misdiagnosed.  We spent the entire day on the couch watching tv, eating comfort food and napping.  He was in good spirits but his arm was limp and if I moved him, he would cry.  It seemed hopeless and I told a lot of family and a few friends about the severity.

My baby boy had his ligament returned to the right place in his arm upon his dad's arrival from work.  I don't know what happened.  They were on the phone with my in laws, who had big brubber (brother) since dropping me at the hospital last night.  Then my husband whispered 'look! look!'.  I look over and the baby is squeezing him with both hands.  Thank God!  He was still kind of off until bedtime but will be fully recovered soon.

So my lesson happened and now I'm trying to learn from it.

Even though it was so difficult to call the nurse line, the in laws, my moms and tell them what happened, I did it.  I cried during each conversation as I did with my husband.  It was my fault.  Please don't think this is a pity party, I am just stating the facts.  I am aware of what happened and know that I was distracted and on auto pilot.  It was unintentional and any of my boys being hurt makes me sick to my gut.  I got past the guilt pretty quick because reveling in it does no good for me, the baby, or the situation.

So lessons I learned are to:  take immediate responsibility, forgive myself fast, be more aware of what is happening, and stop being so freaking (that should be a capital F, too) hell bent on multi-tasking.

I feel like there is also some kind of hidden lesson on posting about the negligence of coaches on Monday and then ironically injuring my own child but that one will reveal itself later, I guess.

Validation

It's been an amazing couple days for me.

First, my husband and his bff agreed to let me run their upcoming fly fishing site.  They would like to chronicle their fishing trips with pictures of catches, fish stats, river flows, locations, etc.  I am honored that they trust me enough to do this for them.  I think it will be a beautiful experience to marry my passion of writing with my husband's passion for fishing.  I am also excited about the business aspect of running their site.  Contacting different vendors for sample fly fishing gear in return for reviews.  Turning the site into a full functioning business so we can make some cash monies and have some tax write offs. All while I stay off the grid with my pure website.  Jk...but seriously, I'm trying to give inspiration and that should be free.  Fly fishing is an extremely expensive hobby.  It would be nice for me to curb the man's spending by doing some fancy negotiations.       

Within 12 hours of the business venture I was followed on blogger and twitter by a fellow blogger who invited me, through a little of my own prompting, to be a guest writer on her site.  Can I tell you how much validation this gave me?  Nope, it's indescribable.  She came, she read, she had faith.  She didn't extend the invitation because she saw my 3 readers, or 1700 page views, or 100 twitter followers and thought what a wonderful way to get more readers.  For non-bloggers reading this, those are very low stats.  Something she read told her to extend the invitation.  And I am beyond thrilled, humbled, and grateful.  I'm going to pour my soul into the piece I write for her and will always remember what she has done for me and how she made me feel. 

Within a day of that news I got my official tripdub (www.givefelicity.com) up and running (with the help of my Beastie's hubs).  

All of these events encouraged me to tell a big group of girlfriends about the blog.  It's always hard to explain why I havent told people sooner. And then once I do tell them it's nerve racking thinking what they think of me.  I have only received positive responses and very kind words from my personal readers but it's still an adjustment to pull the chairs up to the fish bowl.  Some of them walk away and never think of it again.  Some of them read every time I post.  Just so there is no awkwardness, the normal response for family and friends that have read is we don't talk about the blog.  It's kind of like fight club.  But less bloody.  Not to say I won't talk about the blog, there's just no obligation to bring it up.  I am writing because I am called to do it.  This is what I need to do.  

What an amazing week this has been!  My sincerest thanks for all of the encouragement, faith, and tingly feelings you have all given me!  Hope you have experienced some of these too!

RG3

We had friends over last night for the Redskins/Seahawks game.  In the final ten minutes of the game the quarterback, Robert Griffin III (aka RG3), went down.

It was horrifying to watch.  The angle his knee went in was unnatural.  My head was turned away for all the replays from different camera angles while everyone watched and reacted.  I saw it once.  That was enough.

Minutes (real minutes, not football minutes because that could be tens of minutes) before RG3 hit the ground, and didnt get back up, my husband kept saying, "Take him out of the game!"  "What are you doing Shanahan?!"  "Get him out of the game!"

My husband was in the zone.  He was on edge.  He watched until the quarterback went down and then he left the room.  Everyone else stayed glued to the tv and groaned and grabbed their stomachs for the half dozen or so replays.  He was agitated for hours after the game.

I didn't quite get my husbands response until this morning.

A couple years after we started dating he joined a men's baseball league with his roommates.  Up until seeing him at his first practice I had never seen him that happy.  The smiles and joy that was radiating from him was palpable.  He looked like a kid at a playground.  His heart was on that field.

I knew his story but didn't understand it until I saw him on the field.  When my husband was younger he was a pitcher for the all stars junior baseball league.  He was good.  So good.  My husband is very talented at everything he does (except pool, sorry babe).  But he WAS a pitcher.  In one game his coach pushed him too hard.  He let him pitch until he couldn't pitch anymore.  Medically I'm not sure what happened but irreparable damage was done to his arm.  At age 13 he could no longer play HIS position in HIS dream sport.  All because of the ignorance, stubbornness, and/or selfishness of his coach.

I feel for my husband this morning.  And his parents, who experienced that with their son.  To see someone you trust to have your child's best interest at heart push them past their limits and cause physical and emotional damage is a hard one to come back from, I'm sure.

We love sports.  I get that there is no way to play sports without anyone ever being injured.  Injuries should be from being on the field, never by negligence from a set of coaches on the sidelines.

Not to be a monday morning quarterback, but seriously, if my husband predicted it happening the coaching staff should have too and pulled RG3.

I submitted this entry to my husband to get his blessing prior to posting, because of the personal content.  In between writing and publishing this I spoke with my moms.  She said her and my dad couldn't believe they kept RG3 in the game.  My mom also said she heard that he wanted to stay in the game.  He asked to.  Guess what?  That doesn't change my disgust with the coaching team.

Like a parent with a child, it is the coaches responsibility to do what is best for the individual.  Not the team, fans, and/or team owner.  RG3 lives and breathes football, so of course he wanted to stay in the game.

+

Delving into a distant dark past

Provides powerful awareness of the brilliant present

No longer frightened by the foreseeable future

Accepting, Surrounding, Projecting

Positivity

Buzz

One of the parts I really liked about Kathy Freston's Quantum Wellness was her sharing that a lot of people with alcohol and drug addictions are addicted to the altered state of consciousness.  The feelings of what some may deem as the same feelings of enlightenment.  The problem is that since we are getting high from a substance, we come down.  Ugh, the dreaded come down.  Reading her interpretation of some people's addictions really resonated with me.  I was able to realize that getting wasted face wasn't just because of my bloodline, weaknesses, and habits. I wasn't using substances strictly as a way to numb myself, it was also a way to make me feel more too.  Not only would I feel more but I would have the liquid courage to express these emotions to my wasted face company.

Anyone who has drink, drank, drunk is bound to have felt that beautiful buzz that makes your heart pitter patter for whoever you are with.  There are no cares in the world.  You feel good, you look good, and you are smart enough to share those feelings with anyone who has ears.  Everything is a party.

Recently having a sobriety convo with my friend, who was getting to that blissful state before my very eyes, made me think of the way things have altered in my life since sobering up.  But not really just since I quit drinking, but since I started writing and learning to express myself and get an understanding of my emotions.

I am here to tell you firsthand there is a buzzed life after the booze party.

I seem to have a heightened sense of awareness.  But it's not just heightened, it's glorified.  When I am talking to people I can feel joy radiating from them and experience their inner beauty.  People are more upbeat.  Even when we are discussing something heavy there is still a lightness to the conversation.  I can hear happiness coming from them.  I am seeing and treating them as I am myself.

Since October people have started physically looking different.  I first noticed with my sister and mentioned it in this entry.  Since then it has happened with more frequency and intensity.  Everyone looks younger and softer.  Everyone has twinkles (that's an "l" not an "i", twinkies would hurt) in their eyes.  People seem in better shape.  Everyone is better looking.  Even seeing pictures, everyone looks better than I remember from the actual event.  I told one of my girlfriends that her brother had a very pleasant face and she was confused.  I told our guy friends that came over that they all looked taller and they were confused.  Hey, I'm confused.  But I like it.

Even though I've sobered up, I'm still getting a buzz.  But it's off you guys!  And with no hangover!  SCORE!